diff --git a/index.md b/index.md index fcaf977..8494733 100644 --- a/index.md +++ b/index.md @@ -3,3 +3,11 @@ ## Design [[The Design of Everyday Things]] + +## Parenting + +[[Positive Discipline]] + +## Latin + +[[Lingua Latina Per Se Illustrata]] diff --git a/parenting/positive-discipline.md b/parenting/positive-discipline.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..9ba5acd --- /dev/null +++ b/parenting/positive-discipline.md @@ -0,0 +1,159 @@ +# Positive Discipline + +## Chapter One: The Positive Approach + +Children used to be more submissive and obedient because their parents modelled +those behaviours. Mum "obeyed" Dad; Dad obeyed his boss. + +Children deserve to be treated with dignity and respect. + +Children (these days) don't have responsibilities; they miss out on +opportunities to feel belonging and significance. + +Responsibilities are chances to develop skills, self-belief, and to practice +overcoming challenges. + +Energy spent on manipulating people to take care of them could be spent becoming +capable. + +### Significant Seven Perceptions and Skills (S7PS) + +1. Strong perceptions of personal capabilities: “I am capable.” +2. Strong perceptions of significance in primary relationships: “I contribute in + meaningful ways and I am genuinely needed.” +3. Strong perceptions of personal power or influence over life: “I can influence + what happens to me.” +4. Strong intrapersonal skills: the ability to understand personal emotions and + to use that understanding to develop self-discipline and self-control. +5. Strong interpersonal skills: the ability to work with others and develop + friendships through communicating, cooperating, negotiating, sharing, + empathizing, and listening. +6. Strong systemic skills: the ability to respond to the limits and + consequences of everyday life with responsibility, adaptability, + flexibility, and integrity. +7. Strong judgmental skills: the ability to use wisdom and to evaluate + situations according to appropriate values. + +Children developed these perceptions and skills naturally when they were +allowed to work side by side with their parents, receiving on-the-job training +while making meaningful contributions to the family lifestyle. + +Bad behaviours = underdevelopment in S7PS. + +| Strict | Positive Discipline | Permissive | +| :------------------------------------------------ | :---------------------------------- | :------------------------------------------- | +| Too controlling, order without freedom, no choice | Limited choices, freedom with order | No limits, freedom without order, any choice | + +### The Four R’s of Punishment + +1. Resentment—“This is unfair. I can’t trust adults.” +2. Revenge—“They are winning now, but I’ll get even.” +3. Rebellion—“I’ll do just the opposite to prove I don’t have to do it their way.” +4. Retreat: + a. Sneakiness—“I won’t get caught next time.” + b. Reduced self-esteem—“I am a bad person.” + +Positive discipline is not humiliating. + +### The Four Criteria for Effective Discipline + +1. Is it kind and firm at the same time? (Respectful and encouraging) +2. Does it help children feel a sense of belonging and significance? + (Connection) +3. Is it effective long-term? (Punishment works in the short term, but has + negative long-term results.) +4. Does it teach valuable social and life skills for good character? (Respect, + concern for others, problem solving, accountability, contribution, + cooperation) + +When a limit is broken, don't lecture or punish; ask what happened and what +could be done to solve the problem? + +Belonging and significance are the primary goals of all people - especially +children. + +### REVIEW: Positive Discipline Tools + +1. Eliminate punishment. +2. Eliminate permissiveness. +3. Use kindness and firmness at the same time. +4. Provide opportunities for children to develop strength in the Significant + Seven Perceptions and Skills. +5. Beware of what works (punishment has negative long-term results). +6. Give up the crazy idea that in order to make children do better, first you + have to make them feel worse. +7. Involve children in setting limits. +8. Ask curiosity questions +9. Use kind and firm phrases. + +## Chapter Two: Some Basic Concepts + +Adults much use lots of encouragement and take time for training in essential +life skills. + +Children benefit by having many opportunities to feel good about themselves +when they make a meaningful contribution in their home, school, and community. +A sense of belonging and significance is the key. + +### Four Steps for Winning Cooperation + +1. Express understanding for the child’s feelings. Be sure to check with him or + her to see if you are right. +2. Show empathy without condoning. Empathy does not mean you agree or condone. + It simply means that you understand the child’s perception. A nice touch here + is to share times when you have felt or behaved similarly. +3. Share your feelings and perceptions. If the first two steps have been done + in a sincere and friendly manner, the child will be ready to listen to you. +4. Invite the child to focus on a solution. Ask if he has any ideas on what to + do in the future to avoid the problem. If he doesn’t, offer some suggestions + until you can reach an agreement. + +Don't set children up by asking if they've done something when you already know +they've done it. + +### Basic Adlerian Concepts + +1. Children are social beings. + - Misbehaviour may be seen as survival behaviour + within a social context. +2. Behaviour is goal-oriented. + - Sometimes children make counterproductive choices because they are mistaken + about how to achieve their goals. +3. A Child’s Primary Goal Is to Belong and to Feel Significant. +4. A Misbehaving Child Is a Discouraged Child. +5. Social Responsibility or Community Feeling. + - Don't do anything for a child that they can do for themselves. + - Teach self-reliance so that children can help others and feel capable. + - Be aware of how much you're doing for children that they could be doing for + themselves. +6. Equality. +7. Mistakes Are Wonderful Opportunities to Learn. + - Children need daily exposure to the value of mistakes and learning from + them in a safe environment. + +### The Three R’s of Recovery from Mistakes + +1. Recognize - “Wow! I made a mistake.” +2. Reconcile - “I apologize.” +3. Resolve - “Let’s work on a solution together.” + +### REVIEW: Positive Discipline Tools + +1. Win children over instead of using your power to win over children. +2. Provide opportunities for children to develop and practice the Significant + Seven Perceptions and Skills to increase their sense of self-worth. +3. Stop “telling” and start “asking” in ways that invite children to + participate in problem solving. +4. Use the Four Steps for Winning Cooperation. +5. Remember that the feeling behind what you do or say is more important than + what you do or say. +6. Involve children in brainstorming the chores that need to be done and a plan + for doing them. +7. Avoid pampering so children can develop a belief in their own capabilities. +8. Teach and practice that mistakes are wonderful opportunities to learn. +9. Teach and practice the Three R’s of Recovery from Mistakes. +10. Make sure the message of love gets through. + +## Chapter Three: The Significance of Birth Order + +## Chapter Four: A New Look at Misbehaviour