Add Positive Discipline notes

index.md

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 ## Design
 
 [[The Design of Everyday Things]]
+
+## Parenting
+
+[[Positive Discipline]]
+
+## Latin
+
+[[Lingua Latina Per Se Illustrata]]

parenting/positive-discipline.md

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+# Positive Discipline
+
+## Chapter One: The Positive Approach
+
+Children used to be more submissive and obedient because their parents modelled
+those behaviours. Mum "obeyed" Dad; Dad obeyed his boss.
+
+Children deserve to be treated with dignity and respect.
+
+Children (these days) don't have responsibilities; they miss out on
+opportunities to feel belonging and significance.
+
+Responsibilities are chances to develop skills, self-belief, and to practice
+overcoming challenges.
+
+Energy spent on manipulating people to take care of them could be spent becoming
+capable.
+
+### Significant Seven Perceptions and Skills (S7PS)
+
+1. Strong perceptions of personal capabilities: “I am capable.”
+2. Strong perceptions of significance in primary relationships: “I contribute in
+   meaningful ways and I am genuinely needed.”
+3. Strong perceptions of personal power or influence over life: “I can influence
+   what happens to me.”
+4. Strong intrapersonal skills: the ability to understand personal emotions and
+   to use that understanding to develop self-discipline and self-control.
+5. Strong interpersonal skills: the ability to work with others and develop
+   friendships through communicating, cooperating, negotiating, sharing,
+   empathizing, and listening.
+6. Strong systemic skills: the ability to respond to the limits and
+   consequences of everyday life with responsibility, adaptability,
+   flexibility, and integrity.
+7. Strong judgmental skills: the ability to use wisdom and to evaluate
+   situations according to appropriate values.
+
+Children developed these perceptions and skills naturally when they were
+allowed to work side by side with their parents, receiving on-the-job training
+while making meaningful contributions to the family lifestyle.
+
+Bad behaviours = underdevelopment in S7PS.
+
+| Strict                                            | Positive Discipline                 | Permissive                                   |
+| :------------------------------------------------ | :---------------------------------- | :------------------------------------------- |
+| Too controlling, order without freedom, no choice | Limited choices, freedom with order | No limits, freedom without order, any choice |
+
+### The Four R’s of Punishment
+
+1. Resentment—“This is unfair. I can’t trust adults.”
+2. Revenge—“They are winning now, but I’ll get even.”
+3. Rebellion—“I’ll do just the opposite to prove I don’t have to do it their way.”
+4. Retreat:
+   a. Sneakiness—“I won’t get caught next time.”
+   b. Reduced self-esteem—“I am a bad person.”
+
+Positive discipline is not humiliating.
+
+### The Four Criteria for Effective Discipline
+
+1. Is it kind and firm at the same time? (Respectful and encouraging)
+2. Does it help children feel a sense of belonging and significance?
+   (Connection)
+3. Is it effective long-term? (Punishment works in the short term, but has
+   negative long-term results.)
+4. Does it teach valuable social and life skills for good character? (Respect,
+   concern for others, problem solving, accountability, contribution,
+   cooperation)
+
+When a limit is broken, don't lecture or punish; ask what happened and what
+could be done to solve the problem?
+
+Belonging and significance are the primary goals of all people - especially
+children.
+
+### REVIEW: Positive Discipline Tools
+
+1. Eliminate punishment.
+2. Eliminate permissiveness.
+3. Use kindness and firmness at the same time.
+4. Provide opportunities for children to develop strength in the Significant
+   Seven Perceptions and Skills.
+5. Beware of what works (punishment has negative long-term results).
+6. Give up the crazy idea that in order to make children do better, first you
+   have to make them feel worse.
+7. Involve children in setting limits.
+8. Ask curiosity questions
+9. Use kind and firm phrases.
+
+## Chapter Two: Some Basic Concepts
+
+Adults much use lots of encouragement and take time for training in essential
+life skills.
+
+Children benefit by having many opportunities to feel good about themselves
+when they make a meaningful contribution in their home, school, and community.
+A sense of belonging and significance is the key.
+
+### Four Steps for Winning Cooperation
+
+1. Express understanding for the child’s feelings. Be sure to check with him or
+   her to see if you are right.
+2. Show empathy without condoning. Empathy does not mean you agree or condone.
+   It simply means that you understand the child’s perception. A nice touch here
+   is to share times when you have felt or behaved similarly.
+3. Share your feelings and perceptions. If the first two steps have been done
+   in a sincere and friendly manner, the child will be ready to listen to you.
+4. Invite the child to focus on a solution. Ask if he has any ideas on what to
+   do in the future to avoid the problem. If he doesn’t, offer some suggestions
+   until you can reach an agreement.
+
+Don't set children up by asking if they've done something when you already know
+they've done it.
+
+### Basic Adlerian Concepts
+
+1. Children are social beings.
+   - Misbehaviour may be seen as survival behaviour
+     within a social context.
+2. Behaviour is goal-oriented.
+   - Sometimes children make counterproductive choices because they are mistaken
+     about how to achieve their goals.
+3. A Child’s Primary Goal Is to Belong and to Feel Significant.
+4. A Misbehaving Child Is a Discouraged Child.
+5. Social Responsibility or Community Feeling.
+   - Don't do anything for a child that they can do for themselves.
+   - Teach self-reliance so that children can help others and feel capable.
+   - Be aware of how much you're doing for children that they could be doing for
+     themselves.
+6. Equality.
+7. Mistakes Are Wonderful Opportunities to Learn.
+   - Children need daily exposure to the value of mistakes and learning from
+     them in a safe environment.
+
+### The Three R’s of Recovery from Mistakes
+
+1.  Recognize - “Wow! I made a mistake.”
+2.  Reconcile - “I apologize.”
+3.  Resolve - “Let’s work on a solution together.”
+
+### REVIEW: Positive Discipline Tools
+
+1. Win children over instead of using your power to win over children.
+2. Provide opportunities for children to develop and practice the Significant
+   Seven Perceptions and Skills to increase their sense of self-worth.
+3. Stop “telling” and start “asking” in ways that invite children to
+   participate in problem solving.
+4. Use the Four Steps for Winning Cooperation.
+5. Remember that the feeling behind what you do or say is more important than
+   what you do or say.
+6. Involve children in brainstorming the chores that need to be done and a plan
+   for doing them.
+7. Avoid pampering so children can develop a belief in their own capabilities.
+8. Teach and practice that mistakes are wonderful opportunities to learn.
+9. Teach and practice the Three R’s of Recovery from Mistakes.
+10. Make sure the message of love gets through.
+
+## Chapter Three: The Significance of Birth Order
+
+## Chapter Four: A New Look at Misbehaviour